Thursday, March 18, 2010

Where I Am Right Now

Can I tell you how many times I've logged into the blog, thinking I was finally going to post something? And didn't? I announced my little break on February 7th - six full weeks ago. That's a pretty long break for a blog, and honestly, I was having some serious trouble getting back into things. Lacking oomph. Not even really wanting to.

Life has been FULL around here... a good kind of full, but also a kind of full that doesn't really leave much room for splurgey perks like blogging time. Birthdays, and anniversaries, and time with friends and family. Teaching Punkin to read (!), teaching Little Dude to pee (!), studying the Vikings, and - yes - house projects. Too, there have been some extremely heavy days here in the past two months. Haiti continues to be on my heart... several, sometimes many, times a day I think about that land and the precious souls who call it home. Trim and curtains don't really seem worth much when you realize that hundreds of thousands are still living in less than tents in PAP.

Still, we have this house kind of torn up ;) We can't very well just up and decide to quit the work we've been doing. Even if we could, would we really want to? Why are we doing everything we're doing to this house, anyway? I mean really. Not just some surfacey answer will cut it. In our hearts - Why are we going this far with things? Is it a wise use of our time? Our money? Our energy? Are we hogging all that God has so graciously given us just to benefit ourselves? Where do these house projects rank in our list of priorities for daily life... a godly daily life? Are we really seeking to honor God with all this? And if we can say that we're still moving ahead as planned, what about the blog? All the above questions pertain all over again to that.

I know this is kind of a disappointing "back from break" post, but I had to type it all. These are the thoughts that have been wrestling one another around in my mind for the past 6 weeks. They're the reasons I just haven't been able to jump right in and show you the little bit of progress we have made. With all this on my heart, posting about polka dot lined dresser drawers just seemed so pointless. I believe that beauty, homemaking, art, and hard work all have their place in the kingdom of God. Life has just been really raw lately, and when life is raw, you re-evaluate. It's good.

I almost bunked the blog. Seriously. I almost called it quits. But, I didn't. I'm here, I'm posting. I'm caulking and painting and planning. But, I'm also asking the Lord to keep my heart seeking after the treasure, the riches, that will never rot or rust away. I'm asking Him to give me a heart that consistently looks outward, out of these four walls and into a world that is hurting, broken, and in need of the Savior that I know and the resources that I can so often give. I'm asking Him to keep this blog, these projects, this house in perspective. Eternal perspective. I'm asking Him for wisdom to guard me and keep me and use me. I'm asking Him to make sure that I don't waste my life.

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